Thursday, May 3, 2012

Ten Surprisingly Awesome Things To Do

What follow is a list of surprisingly awesome things you probably haven't done that you should endeavor to do immediately, simply because I am telling you to.

  1. Order Chicken Pad Thai and Thai Basil Chicken and put them in the same bowl and mix them together before you eat them.
    Two important notes: i) This might only taste good when both dishes are from Urban Thai restaurant on College Street in Toronto, Ontario. ii) this will make you shit like a demon the next day. It will be worth it.
  2. Let an entire day go by without looking at a screen or monitor of any kind. 
  3. Pleasure yourself while looking at pornography that was published the month and year that you were born. Try not to think about what the people involved look like now/how dead they are. 
  4. Go to Dollarama (or whatever the dollar store in your area is called) and buy one of those ridiculously cheap and simple wire head massagers. Let someone else use it on you. 
  5. "Like" every single thing that's been posted to your facebook news feed today--especially updates about really sad life events. 
  6. Tell someone this joke: Two deer walk out of a gay bar, one turns to the other and says, "Man, I can't believe I blew thirty bucks in there."
  7. If you work in an office environment or some kind of shared space, buy a cake and leave it out for everyone. Leave a note that reads, "Enjoy!...if you dare."
  8. Check your local listings for showtimes for whatever travesty of a film that billionaire Adam Sandler is currently hocking. Go down to the theatre right about the time the movie is about to end and when the first person walks out the door, punch them right in the face. 
  9. You know how you sometimes rage impotently about against companies/products/large entities that have subtle ways of making your life miserable? Instead of bitching about them on facebook/out loud on the phone with your friends, craft a well-written, angry letter and actually send it (bonus: submit it to The Real Johnson and we'll post it).
  10. Please supply a tenth "surprisingly awesome thing" in the comments section below. In case this wholly lackluster post didn't make it clear, I'm feeling quite lazy. 

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