Wednesday, September 16, 2009

The Hipster Apprentice: Voting


So way back in July, I posted a job listing because I needed a Hipster Apprentice to teach me what was cool.
Applications have been trickling in and have ranged from the hilarious, to the pathetic, to the incredibly weird (Thanks for all the nude pictures "Dr. Bob"). I've finally got around to going through them all and selecting my favourites. The seven below are my finalists. I've posted just the highlights from their emails and the pictures they've included.
Have a look and then vote using the box in the top right hand corner of this blog. The winner will get to hang around all day and maintain all my personal media, attempt to get me concert tickets, and generally just keep me in the loop about what's cool. I'm just too fucking busy.
Vote now!
(I know that two of these pictures were stolen from The Style Shark and LastNightsParty and some of them are clearly photshopped, but I don't know where they're from or if they're actually the people they say they are. If they're your photos, or they're taken from your site, let me know and I'll remove them, or give due credit)

Mr. Blue
Favourite Bands: 1970s music, I like Madonna's early stuff. You know, "Lucky Star," "Borderline" - but once she got into her "Papa Don't Preach" phase, I don't know, I tuned out.
"I just really need a job right now. I spend a lot of time hanging around shitty bars, so I can teach you how to dress like a ratty little dirtball hipster and I can school you on drinking 'authentic' shitty beers. I know it don't pay nothing, but I need to tell my parole officer and my kids that I'm doing something duirng the day."


Shank Undercut
Favourite Band: "Dragonwand. My band. You've obvioulsy heard of us. We're sort of a hillbilly rock with an electric edge. Like Kings of Leon but with more synth-rock sensibility. And we've been doing our thing way longer than KofL. We have a show coming up in two days by the way. You should totally come. It's only $10. It's going to be totally decent.
I've pretty much exhausted the amount of pussy I can get simply from being in a band. The long hair, beard and shitty clothes are starting to seem a little pathetic as I approach 40, so I'm looking to do something slightly more meaningful that still keeps me connected to the scene (and of course the random scene-girl tail). "

Chaz Simone
Favourite Bands: Justice, Phoenix, Neon Indian
Favourite Books: I just read blogs.

"I love to party, bro. "







Duckie Dale
Favourite Bands: "The classics. Otis. My mother used to sing Otis. They just don't write love songs like they used to."
"Look at me. Look at this fucking outfit. I am the original hipster. Elitist sensibility with music, eclectic clothes, awkward relationship with mainstream bros. Did you see what I wore to my prom?"












The Real Hipster

"I was born for this job. I'm sending this submission via iPhone while I'm at a concert for a band that's so cool you've never heard of them: Hercules Svoboda and the Finnish Greeks. Don't bother Googling them, if you get into them, they'll no longer be cool. I have a trust fund so I don't care that your job doesn't pay, but I want my parents to think I'm doing something meaningful since I got fired from American Apparel for fucking a customer.
I don't drink PBR anymore because it's too mainstream. I'm really into Bull Max 40s right now. But only to be ironic of course.
Anyway gotta go to a TIFF afterparty, need to go get some blow first. Check out Hercules Svoboda and the Finnish Greeks if you want to now. They just finished their first live set ever so they're no longer cool."


Brooklyn Atticus
Favourite Band: "I used to be really into this band, Minutes To Go, but they broke up so now I'll just listen to whatever you tell me is cool."
Favourite Movies: "I really like indie movies and dark shit, but I'm sure whatever you like is cool."
Favourite Books: "I like, like really deep shit. You know? What are you into? I bet it's cool"
"I really want this job. I feel like it will validate me with the scenekids I've been hanging around/leaching off/blowing for years. I'll do anything you want. Anything. Anything."


Piper Londonkid
Favourite Bands: "All American Rejects, Taking Back Sunday, Sunny Day Real Estate, Jimmy Eat World - anything with three words in the title. Whoever is playing at Call The Office. I like a lot of cool stuff. I work at HMV in the mall, so I steal a lot of CDs.
Favourite Movies: Ditto. I've got over 2000 movies that I've shoplifted: Japanimation, concert videos, Harry Potter.
Favourite Books: I've never worked at a bookstore.
"I need this job. I'm super into everything that's cool. I hang around the mall even when I'm not working so I know what's new and hot. The problem is, I'm a scene kid in a city with no scene. This town is pathetic. No one here 'gets me.' I need to move somewhere that I can fit in and listen to chill bands. If I get this, I'll need to sleep on your couch for a while."

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