Bye Bye Rob Ford!

"I declare the seat of the respondent, Robert Ford, on Toronto City Council, vacant." 
                         ~Justice Charles Hackland

(Details)

It's About The People

People seem to be making quite a fuss over the fact that it appears the TTC rerouted two city buses recently in order to accommodate Mayor Rob Ford.

While reports produced in The Star and elsewhere do seem to indicate that the events were somewhat shady, I did some digging and it turns out that the circumstances and procedures actually weren't outside the purview of the TTC's mandate. Take, for example, this recent job posting for new drivers I found on the TTC's website:

This is Why There is The Internet: Women Shotgunning Beers

In my humble quest to read the entire internet, I've once again stumbled upon a gem that I must share with the world.

I present to you "Women Shotgunning Beers," a tumblr so site magnificent  I can't believe someone hadn't thought of it sooner.

Can we please stop talking about dirty buttholes on TV?

I'm not sure what glue-sniffing advertising executive thought it might be a good angle to start advertising toilet paper based on the idea that it sticks to your shitty asshole less than the competition, but that person needs to be fucking fired.

This idea--one that I'll admit I'd never bothered to think about before--has, of course, spawned the ridiculous and disgusting (you'll notice I didn't say "cute") Charmin Bears, a family of cartoon characters who take gleeful pleasure in pointing out that, whereas they used to have toilet paper clinging to their dirty buttholes, they're now sparkling clean. Sparkling!

Charting Mayor Rob Ford

Sometimes it's difficult, confronted with a wall of text or even a bulleted list of all his shortcomings, to visualize just how shitty Rob Ford, that guy the suburbs elected to be mayor of Toronto, has been since he took office.

So in order to help you understand why the prospect of having the Toronto Star hating, football loving, Escalade-driving turd removed from office over a conflict of interest is so exciting, here are a few visual aids for your Monday afternoon.

Rob Ford the Movie?

The other day I was thinking about Rob Ford, as I sadly find myself doing often, and I realized that, if he did somehow manages to turn things around for himself, it might make a great movie someday.

Think about it.

A socially and emotionally immature man who works peripherally in a business that his father began manages to get by for years by not doing much while occasionally committing the odd embarrassing gaffe.

Random Shit from The Internet

Given my recent return to the interwebs, I thought I might resurrect an old time-wasting favourite for the morning after your Thanksgiving long weekend. Also, it helps me justify my aimless web surfing as "research." Here's a collection of juicy links to help you fill the unbearable countdown until you can crack your first beer tonight.

• Ever ask yourself how many pairs of shoes should a man own? This guy makes a pretty good case for seven. [fashioning] 
•  Is your upper lip getting out of control? Tame it with some Herban Lifestyle Man Moustache Pomade (also, isn't the word "man" here a little unnecessary? Just saying). [hipstering]
•  The photography of Mika Elvojinovic (NSFW) [sexing]
•  Ten of the best sneakers under $60. I know it's two shoe links. I like shoes, OK? Deal. [fashioning]
•  If you hated your cubicle before, you'll really hate after you check out the offices of social media companies. [working]
•  Today's meth-addled criminals just don't do it for you? Check out these fashionably dressed bad-asses in vintage mugshots. [fashioning]
•  Getting your penis excited before you knew what to do with it: The eleven hottest 1980s chicks. [nostalgia-ing]

Why We Should Be Thanking Rob Ford

Obviously, I've reacted, as most progressive Torontonians have, to the goings-on at city hall over the last year with emotions that range from stunned head shaking to rage-induced blood vomiting.

However, as frustrating as Rob Ford has been, the possible prospect of him being booted from office as a result of his recent conflict of interest trial has given me cause to reflect on how I really feel about that guy the suburbs elected and what my reaction might be should he actually have to shuffle off into the twilight.

Surprisingly, looking back on Rob Ford's time in office, I can't help but realize that more than angry, frustrated, or irritated, I'm actually...thankful.

How Rob Ford Spends His Day

Having recently been busted ducking out of a city council meeting early to go coach football, the man the suburbs surrounding Toronto elected to be mayor has been facing increasing criticism about the amount of time he actually spends acting as the city's mayor.

So, with allegations that he is an increasingly rare sight at city hall paired with first hand accounts that his Escalade SUV is often parked in his driveway in Etobicoke until 10am, I decided to see what exactly it is that Mayor Rob Ford has been up to.